Structure v. Love

"People have to make a choice over what comes first. The problem is when one person has one set of priorities different from the other."-Flagg

I have started listening to archives of the Erotic Awakenings Podcast on the drive in to work since so little of the talk radio in the morning appeals anymore. I am still listening to the very early episodes, and in Episode 10 they are talking with Flagg about many different things, but one part is contracts and power exchange and he said the above quote in the discussion. What is the priority for both parties? When push comes to shove and there is a conflict, will love be chosen over structure or will structure be chosen? His argument and one that I agree with, mostly, is that if one partner values structure over love they will see the actions of the other party as conflicting with what they desire. And vice versa.

I agree with this, but what happens when it begins one way, and it shifts? This is what happened to me over the last year as I began having greater and stronger feelings of love for my girl. She still desired structure and I wanted to give it, but there were so many things outside of our relationship that were taking vast amounts of time and energy to deal with I was uanble to give it the focus that was required. So after a few discussion and finally admitting to myself I was not able to give the power exchange aspects of our relationship the time and attention it needed, I chose to give the focus to our romantic relationship. It was incredibly painful for both of us, and it is something we are still recovering from and may not recover fully. But, I still think it was the best decision at the time and would have resulted in more hurt, anger and disappointment had we not taken a step back.

Things have started to come back in bits and pieces. We have had several successful evenings of power exchange that I am confident we have both enjoyed, appreciated and needed. We are not to the point of going into 24/7 and won't be for a very long time yet, but the interactions don't feel forced and feel like we are slipping back into our "natural" roles. Time will tell if it continues, but there is hope and it is more than fleeting for the first time in a very long while.

Going Away to Find your Home

Took a nice little trip this weekend. Lots of time in the car, lot of time when it was really just us. Great re-connecting. We didn't even have to be talking a lot of the time. Just knowing she was there, I could reach out and squeeze her hand or stroke her thigh. We both really needed this with all of the dynamic issues we had and the thoughts of if/when it could or would be started up again.

Just us. A couple having fun. No kids, no real demands. Sleep in, cuddle, watch TV (or not). Go for a wander in a wonderful city. Enjoy finds of good food, good drink, good smoke and some good kink. Our connectedness had improved over the last couple weeks, but it wasn't until the weekend was drawing to a close, and really some today, that we both (or I at least) realized how far it still hadn't. This weekend really brought that level up.

It was good to have a nice kinky demo with a relaxed atmosphere away from people who knew us (and thought they knew our kinks well). No expectations, no reputations to live up to. Just enjoying a great presentation, smiling, laughing and getting kinky with a group where many people had no ideas of experience levels or what they had ever done (or hadn't). And the demo. Rough play. MMM. There is nothing I find more enjoyable than some hands on rough play. Except maybe rope, but that is very hands on and intimate as well.

There is just something about feeling exactly how their body is responding under your slap, hold, punch, or poke. The minute adjustments, increases in frequency or force. Completely energized (and a bit frustrated...goddamn that was a lot of foreplay with a very long delay before consummation) and put us both in a very happy space.

Hopefully riding this wave for a good long while. :)

Evolution of a Kiss

He shivers slightly, feeling the warmth from her arms and body as she holds him close.  He feels everything. Her fingers brushing across the skin of his forehead, around and down his cheek to lightly tickle against his chin.  The soft pressure of her other hand against his side through the soft comfort of the cotton blanket wrapped around his bare shoulders and chest.  His side pressed into her as she snuggles him close. The warmth from the contact spreads through him and lulls him into drowsiness. 

Her lips are warm and full as they press gently to his forehead impressing into his soft skin. He feels every little crease in their soft fullness. Then light soft kisses on his cheeks and eyes, leaving faint traces of their warmth and pressure.  He lets out a soft sigh as he struggles to open his eyes, blurrily trying to focus on the shape hovering so close.  He blinks slowly as he adjusts to the bright lights all around, his irises opening fully as he locks onto her face and slowly focuses on her smile and the slight wrinkles around her eyes as it breaks fully across her features in a wash of unconditional love.  He coos softly as she gently gives him tiny little Eskimo kisses and a wave of love and security spread through him as she pulls him closer, hot wet full tears of joy dropping lightly to splash on his upturned face and then the soft pressure of her lips as she kisses them away. The connection begins fierce and strong, his first love, strong and unconditional.

<3<3<3

Sitting in the dark whispering quietly to each other, their voices urgent but soft.  Both unsure seemingly put into the moment by fate and circumstance.  He inches closer, her breath washing warmly across his face, his hand groping softly in the dark reaching for her hand.  Their fingers meet, intertwining, clammy with sweat, shivering with nerves; both holding onto the other as if they were a life buoy on the ocean. Fighting through the darkness to see his eyes catch the soft glint of the tiniest glimmer of light reflected off her eyes giving him somewhere to focus and center on. He locks onto that soft light and begins to feel more sure and aware of everything.  He can hear the soft pounding of her heartbeat keeping a discordant rhythm with his own, both wildly soaring and louder than they ever remembered hearing them before.  He senses her pulse matching time with the beat surging under his fingertips as they rest against her palms.  His lips are dry and his tongue is too big for his mouth as he keeps swallowing down the flood as his nerves threaten to overtake him again.

Finally after what seems an eternity his courage wins out over his nerves and he leans in and quickly presses his lips to hers.  Even in the dark his aim was true and he realizes he had closed his eyes as he leaned in.  He feels her lips against his, pressing back though locked tightly shut just as his were.  He opens his eyes in surprise as his brain catches up with the actions of his body and he realizes the boldness of his move.  Her hand squeezes his firmly as her grip tightens in surprise and then holds on as if to continue the support they both had sought from the other in their nervousness.  As the kiss enters its second moment of life the door to the closet swings open as someone yells, “Time’s up!” Her face flushed instantly crimson just as he felt the heat as his did the same.

<3<3<3

Cuddled close watching the credits roll at the end of the movie, exchanging soft pecks and teasing nibbles. She nuzzles into the hollow under his chin as their fingers play across each other’s forearms lightly stroking with affectionate pets almost subconsciously maintaining constant contact. He runs his hand slowly up her arm gently massaging her through the sleeve of her blouse. He strokes it around her shoulder to gently grasp her neck under her hair. His fingers twist and tease into the soft strands gently tickling and massaging her scalp. He bends down, mouth open slightly and meets her upturned and inviting lips. 

It starts soft, their lips moving against each other as the light pressure ebbs and flows between them. His mouth moves against hers as they take turns pressing and turning first he on the aggressive and then she as he backs off.  Their breath comes in deep gasps hot on the others cheeks as their nostrils flare in the exhalations. His tongue gently probes against her lips testing and teasing against their silky softness and the sharp rough edge of her teeth. She gently probes back until eventually they are trading the lead back and forth as their tongues entwine in a rapid tango moving across the dance floor of their joined lips.

He gently cups the swell of her breast through her blouse letting the weight of it rest against his palm. She lets out a soft gasp of surprise then ooohs slightly never releasing the hold on his lips.  His other arm still around her shoulders and in her hair, he gently lays her back on the couch where they continue the lip-lock tango. His body rests against hers, his weight gently pressing into her body as the kiss becomes more forceful.  Their tongues frolic playfully in the other’s mouth as their lips slide across and around as it becomes sloppy in their passion.  He begins to work free her buttons exposing the lace of her brassier.  She moans again as her hands cup the slight roundness of his butt pulling him firmly against her.

The passion has become feverish as they are both openly groping and reaching around, through and into the various articles of clothing.  She works loose his belt with one hand and then deftly unsnaps them and pulls open his zipper in a swift tug. He runs his hands up her legs and under her skirt not stopping until his fingers brush the edge of her soft cotton panties.  Never releasing their continuous point of contact both stare intently into the other’s eyes as he silently asks the question they are both wanting.  He sees the answer as her eyes alight with a fiery passion.  He begins working her panties down as she tugs at his pants rustling the legs free with her feet.  Limbs become entangled but never stop until they both know they are moving towards the inevitable conclusion of their teenage desire.

<3<3<3

In bed in his college apartment, he wakes up to the vision of her beauty as she sleeps silently nestled next to him her arms crooked and hands inches from the face as she sleeps on her side in a slightly curled fetal position.  He watches her silently for several moments drinking in the most beautiful sight in his world.  Eventually her reaches into the night stand and withdraws a small box containing 3 month’s savings in one little stone. He bends over and kisses her brow planting kiss after kiss on her face until she eventually wakes with a smile, grabs his head with her arm and pulls him closer for a light kiss good morning.

He smiles back hiding the surprise in his hand on the side facing away from her.  She sees his awkward position and smiles at him quizzically. He slowly draws his hand into the light and her eyebrows rocket up as she sees what is there. He barely gets the traditional words out before her eyes tear up and a vocal “Yes! Yes! Yes!” arises jubilantly from her lips. He slides the ring on her finger and barely has time to get his hand out of the way before she tackles him in a massive hug and engulfs his lips in a knee buckling kiss. Her lips are strong and forceful against his, hot and hungry with love and passion and he knows he has never felt a love like this before.  He hungrily returns the kiss, pressing into her.  His hands encircle her waist pulling her into him thirstily drinking from the well of passion that has grown between them and their young and still growing love. Their bodies entwine, covers kicked aside and quickly forgotten as their passion rises higher and higher.

<3<3<3

He barely feels the tight, uncomfortable pressure of the bowtie and winged collar as they threaten to cut into his Adam’s apple. Everything is a daze as his eyes are locked on hers piercing the thin veil across her face. He somehow manages to repeat everything correctly as the minister quotes first hers and then his lines.  He feels the heat of her hand in his as she too is as nervous as he.  Finally, the words are spoken they have both been waiting for. 

“I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride.”

He smiles broadly never more in love with her than at this moment.  He releases her fingers to gently raise her veil as he sees a love as great as his own reflected back in her eyes. She smiles broadly as he bends forward and their lips meet once more.  Their passion tamped down by the ceremony and import of the day, he still feels every bump and valley in her lips.  The kiss seems to go on forever as they press into each other. He just barely teases his tongue forward to the little ridge in the middle of her top lip as he playfully smiles into the kiss. After what seems to be long endless moments but is merely a scant couple seconds they pull apart and turn to greet the small crowd as husband and wife.

<3<3<3

He can’t believe the bustle of activity as he stares slack-jawed in amazement at the miracle he has just witnessed.  He gently strokes her hair, talking softly as the flush slowly begins to leave her face and he gently kisses her forehead. His hand is still gripped tightly by hers as he turns to watch the activity off to the side of the room.  The blue clothed nurses are just finishing and turn to hand him the swaddled package that has just moments ago emerged screaming into the world.

He takes the infant gently from the nurse and instinctively begins rocking side to side as he stares down at the most beautiful thing in the world. He can’t stop smiling as he bends down to kiss her lightly on the forehead feeling the cool skin under his lips.  The supremely soft and smooth forehead warms instantly under the slight pressure of his lips and his nose is lightly tickled by the corn silk softness of her hair.  He knows of no love greater than what he feels right now, instantly falling head-over-heals for the little girl who has become the most important thing in his life in the space of a single kiss.