But this is a problem area for me as well. I get great satisfaction from being very self-sufficient and doing as many things as possible myself when I am able to do so. I am in the habit of just doing things. If I am thirsty and not engrossed in something...get up and get a drink from the fridge. This has led to some serious unintentional undermining of the dynamic. How can she serve if there is no service to be delivered?
It is something I struggle with, but now that it has been brought (again) to my attention, I intend to work to rectify this. I trust her. I love her service. If I tell her to do something, I know it will get done. I just have to let go of the impulse to do it myself. Oddly, to me, she provided great examples in discussion this weekend where in a group or among other friends I have very little difficulty in giving it up. I evidently have a habit when out with others or around others of making the request just fine and then getting back to whatever else I was doing, assuming it would be done. Which is as it should be. I just was not consciously aware of how often I did it. Perhaps the distraction of being around others was enough to override the desire to just do it myself.
I just have to remember to do it when alone. When the service can be appreciated more. We both know I can do it myself. That is part of what makes the service rewarding. By trusting her to get it done as well, or in many cases better, I am allowing her to serve and showing I know she is capable and deserving to do so.
Just one of the many things in my perception that needs constant minding to be aware. She serves by choice, rewarded through that ability to serve, and when I take away the ability/need for service, I diminish the capacity to do so and the power exchange that is needed and desired in the relationship. Continued service is rewarding; but if there is no way to serve, there is no reward.
